Paris Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery Read online

  Holy mother of pearl, she was coming to need him. So much. So much every day. She hadn’t known she could miss someone so much it hurt, not until she’d left Gabe behind to travel Europe with Emily. Ingrid hadn’t realized—she loved her Harrison—he had been her companion and lover. But when her husband had died, there had been so many other emotions tied up in his loss. Even still, she missed him like she missed the summer. Fleetingly. But with Gabe, she didn’t want to compare Gabe and Harrison. It wasn’t fair to herself or them. But there was a part of her mind that couldn’t help it.

  And if she had to choose, she knew she’d choose Gabe. It was probably for that reason that, though she missed Harrison terribly, it didn’t make it all the way to her very bones.

  She pulled at Gabe until she curled onto his side with his head in her lap. They sat for a long time that way. Emily had moved away to talk with the others and then made her way back to them. They sat in an exhausted silence for a long time before Emily finally said, “Well. Aren’t you two adorable?”

  There was something in that, but Ingrid was too scared and tired to say anything.

  “I am adorable. Always. You know this.” Ingrid's words were light, but her tone was exhausted. She had never needed her bed as badly as she did right then.

  There was a scuffling at the edge of the opening of their little tunnel. Rats, Ingrid thought, trying not to scream, but it was Lucie who stumbled through. Her forehead was bleeding and Fiona was just behind her. Both looked over their shoulders and then scuttled into the light.

  “What happened to you?” Bernard demanded.

  “It’s like you said,” Lucie huffed. “Oh my gods, it’s like they said! This place is haunted. It’s cursed. Vampires!”

  Ingrid looked at Emily, hoping they wouldn’t disturb Gabe, but he was already sitting up.

  “What happened?” Gabe demanded

  The two friends spoke at once. They were both crying so it sounded like disdainful, French wails.

  Ingrid wanted to slap them, but she wanted to slap Fiona before, and it was easy enough to add Lucie to the official slap list.

  “Shut up,” Emily shouted. She had crossed to the two friends, dragged them into the center of the circle and ordered, “Sit down.”

  Gabe stepped up to the group of them while Ingrid moved closer. Mostly she didn’t want to be on the edge of victims, easy prey. She’d be like the old reindeer when the wolves attacked. No, thank you.

  Fiona and Lucie were babbling again. A sound. A scuttle. They ran. Lucie fell. She was bleeding. They almost took the wrong turn. It was nearly incomprehensible. Ingrid wasn’t sure if they were hysterical or if something had happened. It was a real toss up. Man, she needed to slap them. So hard. So hard and so fast. Again and again. That was clearly the answer.

  She could see Gabe considering their story. The truth was, Ingrid thought, someone had abandoned them here. Who knew where Abel was? Who knew why he’d felt the need to lead them in and leave them lost?

  Maybe it was Abel who was the victim. Why was she so sure there was a murderer? Maybe leaving to find their way out had been stupid, but then again…how long could they wait?

  Chapter 6

  Emily looked around at the haggard group and made an executive decision. They needed to cut these other whiny jerks loose. They were slowing them down, plus Emily needed to talk to Ingrid and Gabe alone, without all the nattering from Lucie and Fiona and the nasty demeanor of Betty 2 and Bernard. The professor was just irritating with all of his talk about monsters. With all of this on her mind, Emily got Gabe’s attention and signaled for him to follow her.

  She made her way just around the corner toward the pools and saw that Gabe followed her. Ingrid was right on his heels. As soon as they cleared the corner, Emily started talking, “Okay, look you guys. Moving in a group is slowing us down, not to mention irritating the magic right out of me. I’ve had horrible thoughts about just setting them on fire to get some peace of mind. But that would be terrible. Or at least, the law enforcement among us would think it was terrible. So, barring homicide as a valid option, I say the three of us make the swim, “Ingrid’s face paled instantly but Emily kept going. “We make the swim and see if it is a way out. I don’t want to spend the next two hours trying to convince these idiots that we have to try it. Plus, I mean, honestly. Do you think that Bernard and Betty 2 can make the swim? Maybe they could, if they knew for sure it was the only way out, but we need to investigate without them.”

  She chewed on her lip while she waited for Gabe’s reaction. She knew Ingrid didn’t want to do it, but she also knew that her best friend would see reason, especially if Gabe was on board with the plan. And Ingrid wanted to stab Lucie and Fiona in the throat just to shut them up so she suspected she might not think the swim too terrible of an idea since they were going to leave the dead weight behind.

  Gabe nodded his head. “It’s a good plan. Is there anything I need to know from you about this plan?”

  Emily grinned, “If you are asking whether I’m having any witchy intuition like Ingrid keeps expecting I will, then, I’ll give you a solid maybe on that one. I feel,” she glared at Ingrid in a friendly way, “like there’s something in the pools that will give us something we need. But also, I can’t stand this pack of idiots and my flight mechanism has kicked in. That’s not particularly witchy, though.”

  Gabe and Emily looked to Ingrid. This had to be unanimous. At least between the three of them. They all knew this was a risk and Emily was, if she was honest with herself, more than a little petrified of the possibility of monsters of some sort down here. Not for the first time, she chastised herself for not having paid more attention to Hazel’s instructions about anything. So much to learn. If only she’d tried, just a little, in her twenties, then maybe they’d know a spell about how to get out. Oh well, she’d learn once she was out of these damned tunnels.

  Slowly, Ingrid nodded. “I hate you both. But at least we’ll be away from Lucie and Fiona. I’m going to punch one or both, maybe at the same time.

  Gabe hugged Ingrid close to him and whispered, “We’re going to be fine.”

  Ingrid snuggled into him and Emily knew for sure Ingrid had it bad for him. It had been apparent many times before, but if Emily were to acknowledge the truth, she could catch glimpses of their auras, and they seemed more right melded together than separately.

  “Great,” Emily said. “I’ll go tell the others to wait right here. I’m sure at least one of them will be glad not to make the swim. The rest will whine about something.”

  She left Ingrid and Gabe in their disgusting, yet adorable canoodling and wished, not for the first time, that Dean were here. She approached the group consisting of Lucie, Fiona, Bernard and Betty 2, the professor, and the others she hadn’t bothered to get to know at all.

  “Listen. Gabe and Ingrid and I are going to spare you from making that swim until we know for sure it’s the way out. You guys stay here and rest. We’ll be back soon.”

  Lucie started to speak and Emily immediately shushed her. “No, no complaints. We are saving you from having to do a disgusting, gross thing and you are just going to sit her until we get back. Got it?” Emily moved her glare around the group. Betty 2 opened her mouth to argue, but promptly closed it under the intensity of Emily’s glare. “Good. We’ll be back soon.”

  She turned her back on the group and tried to keep her walk casual as she headed back to Gabe and Ingrid but she felt a little bounce in her step. They’d listened to her and they were getting a break from the worst group of tourists ever. She needed to remember how to channel that “I’m in charge” voice for the next time she needed people to shut up and listen.

  Her feeling of satisfaction faded, though, as soon as she caught up to Ingrid and Gabe who’d made their way further down the tunnel. The pools came into sight just as she caught up to them and thought that maybe her idea was stupid and that her punishment from the universe for stupid ideas was that she was going to drown in th
is pool of disgusting ancient water that was likely teeming with rotting flesh. She shivered, but it was too late to tell Gabe and Ingrid that she’d changed her mind. Ingrid was already ankles deep in the water. Gabe was ahead of her, holding their shoes and Ingrid’s bag high.

  They all waded into the water until it was chest high on the girls, a little lower on Gabe. “Okay, ladies. Now we swim. You good with that?”

  Ingrid claimed her lips together and nodded, “Yeah, sure. Best. Idea. Ever. Emily. When I finally dry out and replace all my clothes and have an entire layer skin stripped off my body, I will kill you myself, Oh Keeper of the Bright Ideas. This is worse that when I had dead people gook all over me when we were trying to catch Davis. I mean, there’s no telling how long this water has been here. And the professor said tons of people have gone missing down here. This might not even be water,” she said as she continued to slowly swim behind Gabe. “This could all be the fluid of hundreds of decomposed missing persons.”

  “Ugh, Ingrid. Seriously. Shut it or I will set YOU on fire. This is bad enough without you adding all these ideas in my head.” But of course, Emily’s imagination had already waded well into horror-story mode just thinking about what might be in the water.

  “You shut it, Emily. This was your idea. It’s a damn good thing Gabe is a good swimmer and able to save my snacks and shoes or I’d have to hurt you. In fact, if something happens to the piece of flourless chocolate cake that is waiting for me, I’ll never forgive you Emily Brown.”

  Emily chuckled, glad they were both able to keep it light. Gabe wasn’t talking, just swimming ahead of them. The pool split into two directions, but Gabe seemed confident about the direction he chose.

  “You know,” Ingrid said, “I am actually a pretty good swimmer. I think I should look into joining a swim team when we get back to Sage Island. I could rock it, I bet. I’m probably part mermaid.”

  “Ha,” Emily bantered back, “You are only swimming well because you think your life depends on it. If you didn’t have vampires chasing you and missing persons piling up all around you, there’s no way you’d be exerting actual physical energy to swim when you could just float on a raft. And in really warm water. With a hot pool boy bringing drinks. Though, now that I think about it, you really should swim. You’re going to need new fatter, fat clothes.”

  “Shut up,” Ingrid snapped. “Tell me more about this pool boy. And the drinks. The thought of booze right now makes me want to hurl, probably because I ate too many pickles, but in theory, drinks and warm sun—”

  “I see the end of the pool. Keep coming about 5 more yards, Ingrid.” His mining light showed the other side of the water where the was a few foot drop and then yet more tunnels.

  “Oh, thank goodness,” Ingrid said. “We can get out of this body juice water. Here. Here’s my hand, Gabe. Help me out of this water?”

  But then she hiccuped and squeaked. It was a terrified sound. Emily turned quickly, looking to see what was happening. Ingrid slammed into Emily, jerking away from Gabe.

  “Ingrid…what?” Emily said, grabbing her friend in the flailing. “Stop.”

  Emily looked up and saw Gabe reach over and take Ingrid’s wrist, yanking her out of the water. When Ingrid’s flailing and screaming stopped, Emily could see what had touched Ingrid.

  It was Abel. He was floating face down, but that stupid beret was still attached. And there was a little hand-axe sticking out of his back. Emily choked and jerked back, felt Gabe’s strong hand pull her out of the water. She sat down on the tunnel floor while Gabe reached out, yet again…for the body.

  Ingrid and Emily sat on the edge like a couple of drowned puppies, Emily wouldn’t use the word rat even in her head at this point and they shivered in unison. Watching in stunned horror as Gabe pulled Abel out and laid him on the stones next to them. He was definitely dead. Nothing could be done for him at this point.

  Ingrid’s teeth chattered as she spoke, “We-we-well, at l-l-least we know why Abel d-d-disappeared. Poor fool.”

  Emily cursed. “That’s just wonderful. This is your fault Ingrid. You said this was water was just decomposing juice from dead bodies. You were right and I hate you a little bit.”

  Gabe checked for a pulse, even though everyone knew he wouldn’t find one. He muttered under his breath. “You two find death every place you go.”

  Ingrid sighed. “Yeah. Sorry about that. I don’t know what we did to deserve this.”

  Emily stood abruptly. “Okay, so he’s dead which means one of those people in our group killed him. But I don’t actually care about any of that right this minute. I just want to get out of this damn tunnel. I’ve got some claustrophobia kicking in, you guys. Let’s keep moving. Please.”

  She knew she sounded desperate but she was feeling more desperate by the minute. The vampires, the undescribed monster, the epidemic of missing people in the catacombs, and now a dead tour guide. She was going to go mad if she didn’t get out of here.

  Gabe stood and helped Ingrid to her feet and led the tired group further into the tunnel. Emily was glad to at least be moving and out of the damn water. At least until they hit another dead end. Finally at her limit, she leaned against the wall and burst into tears. Enough was enough and this was definitely enough.

  Emily vaguely recalled through her shock and cold that the pool had forked. There was still another possibility. Through more damn water.

  Ingrid just stood, staring blankly at the wall, too traumatized to even react. Gabe let out not a few curse words that even sounded rough coming out of a cop’s mouth. And something about a fork in the river of death they hadn’t taken.

  Finally, Ingrid spoke and said what each of them was feeling.

  “Well, son of a bitch.” Ingrid kicked the wall and turned back to Gabe, staring at him helplessly. Emily wasn’t sure she could get back into the dead people juice, and Ingrid had a look on her face that said imminent meltdown. But instead, Ingrid leaned into Gabe, wrapped her arms around him, and said, “It’s going to be ok.”

  “I’m sorry this is happening,” Gabe said into Ingrid’s hair, and their stupid auras mixed again, making Emily a little jealous but just mostly really sad Dean was far away. Because in moments of clarity and truth she had to admit, she’d felt her aura mix with Dean’s and knew what they had could be amazing. Maybe even more perfect than Ingrid and her pretty sheriff.

  Chapter 7

  “I’m sorry,” Gabe said. He was rubbing her arms and squeezing her hair for her. She wished she didn’t have a long swathe of hair, but mostly she wished that he’d squeeze out his own shirt and stop feeling so guilty. It was making her feel guilty for having such a hard time holding it together.

  Before they’d crossed the water, they’d put their phones and shoes in their bags and swam cockeyed to keep their things dry. Ingrid’s bag had the snacks and the phones. Gabe had been holding his shoes and Ingrid’s. Emily had tucked her shoes into her bag, but there had been no preventing sopping wet clothes.

  Ingrid looked at Emily and then down at herself. Emily shrugged, and they both began stripping of their clothes to truly wring them out.

  “Oh,” Gabe said, spinning like the gentlemen he was even though Emily had already gotten to her bra.

  “We’re idiots,” Ingrid said again. “We’re going back that way again. Why did we swim back? For that pack of fools? To hear them whine about which way we go? Let’s just follow the graffiti and get out. We’ll send in help.”

  Gabe shook his head, and Ingrid knew even she wouldn’t leave them. Even though they were dumb for not leaving them.

  Emily sighed, “Yeah, it’ll take forever to get the rest of them to agree to come. Betty and Bernard are going to have to be helped across. Lucie and Fiona are probably going to have to be knocked on their heads and forced over. I volunteer for that part.”

  “No, I want to be the one who punches Fiona,” Ingrid said.

  “You don’t get all the fun,” Emily countered. “Gabe is here, so
you’re already having more fun than me. You can’t have this too.”

  “You’re a greedy dove,” Ingrid said.

  “Suck it.”

  “Ladies,” Gabe said. “I love to hear you fight, but let's get moving.”

  “We’re going to have hypothermia by the time this is over,” Ingrid said around the chatter of her teeth. She glanced at Gabe and saw him wringing his jeans out. His jaw was set and the worry was weighing heavier and heavier on him. He hadn’t been this…worn down ever. Not even when he’d been investigating her for the murder of Sheldon while knowing she hadn’t done it. It had caused some epic fights between them and just thinking about it made her mad at him again. And at herself.

  “I’m sorry,” Gabe said. He was struggling back into his wet jeans and Ingrid ignored the apology wishing he’d stop being so damn responsible for everything that happened.

  “I checked the spa at the hotel out,” Emily said as if she weren’t mostly naked and soaking wet from dead-people water. “It has those soaks. The kind with herbs and water and like candles. You can pay per half hour or whatever.”

  “I want an entire day,” Ingrid said, “with changes of water. Gabe does too.”

  “I want a steak,” Gabe said. “And a ridiculous pile of mashed potatoes.”

  “I don’t think the French make food like that,” Emily mused with a wicked quirk to her mouth. “I think all of their food is tiny and pretty.”

  “Then I’m ordering a dozen plates,” Gabe answered as he knotted his bootlaces.

  “I knew we were meant for each other,” Ingrid said around the clicking of her teeth.

  Gabe crossed to her and wrapped her up in his arms, but it made Ingrid feel guilty. Emily was shivering a few steps over in jeans and a bra. Where were her hot man’s arms?

  Ingrid’s shivers were increasing and the part of her that had gone to college and occasionally paid attention in class knew that her body was trying to warm itself. She was too cold. As was Gabe, who was silently shaking, and Emily who was cursing through chattering teeth.